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Okay, really, that’s not what it means at all. But that’s what it means to ME and that’s all that counts.

I’ve recently taken up Tabata workouts which are high intensity interval training sessions done in a 2:1 ratio. So, for instance, you work as hard as you can for 20 seconds, rest for 10 seconds, and then start over. The benefits of this type of workout are pretty amazing. According to this article from Shape Magazine, “Doing as little as 4 minutes (or one “Tabata”) can increase your aerobic capacity, anaerobic capacity, VO2 max, resting metabolic rate, and can help you burn more fat (and make you look 200-percent leaner) than a traditional 60-minute aerobic workout. That’s right—4 minutes of Tabata can get you better fitness gains than an entire hour of running on the treadmill.”

And right about now, you’re thinking, “Really? Four minutes? That’s it? You’re either kidding me or you’re the biggest wimp in the world.”

To which I say, just try it and then let’s talk. That is, if you CAN talk because if you do it correctly, you won’t be able to talk. You’ll just be lying on the floor, cursing me silently in your ahead — assuming you’re still conscious, of course.

Now, you may be wondering why, aside from the obvious health benefits, I would do this to myself since I’ve already explained how much I hate exercise.

Because the only thing I hate more than exercise is exercising for long periods of time. For instance, if I’m on the treadmill, this is the conversation I’m usually having with myself:

This is so boring. I hate working out. I just don’t get why people like to run on the treadmill. For that matter, why do people like to run? I never get a runner’s high. I wonder if that whole “runner’s high” thing is a myth. Maybe runners just confuse “high” with “I’m going to pass out from boredom.” I wish I didn’t have to do this. I wish humans had evolved so they could burn more calories while sitting on the couch than moving around. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Then you could be all, “Wow, I’ve gained a little weight. Guess I’ve been moving around too much. Better go watch some t.v.” Ha! Yeah. That would be great. Okay, I’m probably about done. Holy shit! I’ve only been on this damn thing for two freaking minutes??? WTF?

So while Tabata may be intense and may make me feel like puking, in my head I know it’s only for a short period of time and then I can GET ON WITH MY LIFE.

Yes…I just said I’d rather feel like puking than work out for a long period of time.

I am seriously NOT kidding about the whole hating exercise thing. Just in case I wasn’t clear on that before.

Anyway, if you want to learn more about Tabata, here are a couple of links you can check out:

Tabata or Not Tabata?

The Unbelievable 4-Minute Cardio Workout

But please remember, I’m not your doctor and you really should talk to your doctor before starting this or any exercise routine and if you have an erection lasting more than four hours…

Er…sorry…wrong disclaimer.

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Goal: Exercise 5 days this week

Days toward goal: 2

Today’s Workout: Step Tabata Premix from Cathe Friedrich’s “To the Max” DVD

I heard about Ernestine Shepherd a couple of years ago and was immediately, as my British friends would say, gobsmacked.

She is a marvel. She is an inspiration. And she could totally kick my ass (although I don’t think she would because she seems like a very nice, non-ass-kicking person).

Photo: Huffington Post

Ernestine is — wait for it — 75 freaking-years-old and holds the Guinness World Record for Oldest Female Competitive Bodybuilder. And, get this, she didn’t even start working out until she was 56! That’s like 25 years older than I am right now. Or 11. Whatever.

So every time negative thoughts or excuses enter my head, I think of Ernestine. I imagine her telling me that anything’s possible. I imagine her telling me that it’s never too late to start living a better life. I imagine her telling me that I’m strong and capable.

And then I imagine her kicking my ass. (In the nicest way possible, of course.)

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